Well to say the last, I'm pretty sure any of who you occasionally check up on my account, or look for my art have seen this coming. It's pretty obvious considering I haven't been on at all in the past two or three weeks or so. So I guess this is just my goodbye letter. Feel free to read the whole thing, or don't whatever floats your boat. If you really want to just cut to the chase just read the last paragraph.
I know this may be hard to believe but I'm a senior in high school now. This is my last year of free education, but the thing is it's not free all but one of my classes are college classes, and those classes are about 200-300 dollars each a semester. And I realize now that I have to work for that money. When I turn 18 things aren't going to be handed to me any longer. I'l have to start paying my own bills and have my own life and my own apartment or wherever I choose to live after this. And this is like a huge kind of like deep thinking, so I understand if this doesn't hit as hard to some of my younger watchers, or even those of you just starting highschool. It's hard to see yourself in my position as an underclassmen. It's hard to see yourself taking those college classes that you always thought would be too hard. It's hard to see yourself taking a half-day and going home early instead of getting out the same time as everyone else, doing homework, eating, showering, and then going to bed. It's really all so repetitive. Even if you have a job. Which in my case I do. I've been working over-time during the summer at least 40 hours a week, and I even had a two and a half our meeting on Sunday. And I know this is also hard to compare to for those of you who don't have a job, but you'll get one soon enough and absolutely hate it. But hey, it's what you do for money, right?
Continuing on with this serious note, I've decided to completely crack down on myself. I know what I'm going to college for now, and let me see that's one of my biggest reliefs ever. It's so calming that I know what I want to do when I get older and that I no longer have to worry about finding something I'm good at. In case you guys were wondering, I'm going into Forensic Science (by definition Forensic Science is the application of science to criminal justice/law). And it's really exciting just to know that's what I want to do. And it makes me happy now that I'm so decided. But it also brings me up on the topic of colleges. I have to start applying like a mother fucker to colleges everywhere. I need to start having schools and back-up schools and what not, places I can go to for my studies. I honestly prefer out of state, but I also realize how much more expensive that is then staying here so I really don't know what I'm going to do in that case. All I know is I have to start applying within the next week here and start writing all my essays and shit otherwise I'm going to be so screwed. And you also want to know what makes me nervous? The reality that I may not get into the college I want to. I realize that I didn't do anything in high school. Like literally all I did was like 2 clubs and I did badminton my freshman and sophomore year, and that's it. I didn't volunteer, like I just realize now that I let my job take too much of my life away.
Speaking off my job I fucking hate it. I just I want to cry every time I think about it. And I want to quit, I want to quit so bad, but it's just a really stable and certian thing right now and I can't let that go. I need to keep saving up if I want to buy my car off my dad, and if I want to go out of state for college and stuff. I hate the people I work with, and I realize now how awful it is. All of the god damn back stabbing and it just makes me want to cry when I realize all of what I went through at this stupid fucking job. But they seem to trust me now, and are handing me more responsibilities then ever and that just makes me more nervous, but what the fuck can you do huh?
Now, let's get on to the real reason that I'm leaving this site. All of the above are very good reasons. I do really need to concentrate on my school work this year, I need to start concentrating on colleges, and I do need to focus on my job and get in as many hours as I can, but there is a straw that broke the camels back. And that straw is that I realized that I just don't like drawing any more. I just really don't. It's more of a hassle then anything now and I realize it's not going to get me anywhere. Realistically, at least 75% of people on this site will not follow an art career, or if they do they will realize the field is not that large and does not pay well at all and have to do something else. And now that I especially now what I want to do I just... I know this is not what I want to do. I no longer have an interest in drawing or art let alone in this site. So for most of you this will be the last time you and I talk. And I might pop in every once and while draw something quick or whatever, but i'm just not the same person anymore. And I hope you all understand.
Especially my friends (you know who your are)
I really hope that you guys forgive me for leaving and understand why I'm doing so. I will love you guys forever and if you ever need me feel free to text me, and if you don't have my number just ask <3